# It’s not you. It’s us: why charities need to mind their pronouns

- Link: https://fundraising.co.uk/2013/09/03/its-not-you-its-us-why-charities-need-mind-their-pronouns/
- Published: 2013-09-03T17:43:07+01:00
- Author: Richard Sved

**One evening, a couple of years ago, I was watching a US celebrity news channel.
Don’t judge me. I’d had a tiring day. I needed something mindless. I needed bright
colours. Is that enough excuses?**

Anyway, a film star who’d recently become a mother was interviewed on the red carpet
and said something like: “When you become a mother, you don’t expect such strong
emotions. It changes your life.”

And this irritated me a little, but I didn’t really know why at the time.

## Advertisement

 [⌊Posthub advert. You create the campaign. We'll handle the postal journey. Get started at post-hub.co.uk.⌉](https://fundraising.co.uk/ads/posthub-20261007-300x250/)

It became clearer to me some months later when I attended a course run by [Leap Confronting Conflict](http://www.leapconfrontingconflict.org.uk/),
the fantastic charity I used to work for.

There, I learned two things in particular:

Talking about personal experiences in the 2nd person (“you”) rather than in the 
1st (“I”) is all too easy to do, but it is less impactful, because it can sound 
like we’re not speaking about ourselves.

Especially in moments of potential conflict, speaking in the 1st person rather than
the 2nd can be very effective. Better to say “I feel this” than “you don’t understand
me” because it is indisputable.

So maybe this is why the celebrity’s maternal utterances jarred with me. Actually,
no! That’s not how I feel! Speak about yourself!

## Me and you, you and me

It’s not me. It’s you.

And pronouns are equally important for charities. In 20 years in the sector, every
organisation I’ve worked in has wrestled with its pronouns. Seriously.

We write about ourselves in the third person a lot (e.g. “The Red Cross does X”)
but often veer inconsistently between singular and plural (e.g. “The RSPCA are the
first on the scene when…”).

But then it’s not possible to stay in the third person for too long without appearing
too dispassionate, so charities often move quickly to the 1st person plural (“We
are the only charity that…”.

And why is using “we” so important? Well, it all comes back to mission again. Doesn’t
everything?  In essence, charities make a difference through collective action. 
There’s more than one person involved. And using “we” makes what we say personal.
As a result, the reader or listener is much more likely to want to become part of
it. If our communication is driven by our own passions, our own motives, it’s going
to sound more sincere and is much more likely to be effective. Can we presume to
speak for our supporters? When they start to use the word “we” then half the battle
is won.

So that’s why charities should mind their pronouns. They’re only little words, but
they can make all the difference.

Remember: It’s not you. It’s us.

_Richard Sved is Director at [3rd Sector Mission Control](http://www.3rdsectormissioncontrol.co.uk/).
First published on 3rd Sector Mission Control’s website and republished here with
permission._

 * **[Socially connected people more likely to show bias in their giving](https://fundraising.co.uk/2014/08/20/socially-connected-people-likely-show-bias-giving/)**(
   20 August 2014)
 * **[New guidance from Institute of Fundraising on treating donors fairly](https://fundraising.co.uk/2014/12/02/new-guidance-institute-fundraising-treating-donors-fairly/)**(
   2 December 2014)
 * **[You have just six minutes to defend or redefine fundraising. What would you say?](https://fundraising.co.uk/2015/09/07/you-have-just-six-minutes-to-defend-or-redefine-fundraising-what-would-you-say/)**(
   7 September 2015)

![Loading](https://fundraising.co.uk/wp-content/plugins/page-views-count/ajax-loader-
2x.gif)